coin standing on one edge
by librikolibri
Summary: Lisanna is not sure who she is anymore.


**I think that Lisanna took some serious damage from the whole Edolas/Earthland discrepancy. There is just no way that a - what - fourteen year old could take it all in stride and I don't believe that she just had her happy coming home without any problems two years after that either, so here's my take on what she might have been feeling.**

* * *

Lisanna is Lisanna.

That is just the fundamental truth she's grown up with. She's Lisanna. Sister to Mirajane and Elfman. Animal Soul Take-over mage. Friends with Natsu and Happy, because they are her longest friends, but also with Gray and Erza and the whole guild. She's Lisanna, the sweet little girl with the short hair.

She knew who she was. She is still supposed to know who she is. But that was before Edolas. Before things got complicated. Before _she_ got complicated.

Because she was too young when she was swallowed up by the anima for it not to have a lasting effect on her. Because at the tender age of fourteen, there suddenly is no home anymore, she doesn't see her sister and her brother and she doesn't know where she is. It's later that she finds Fairy Tail – the _other_ Fairy Tail – and Mirajane and Elfman and everyone. Only that they aren't _her_ Mira-nee, _her_ Elf-nii. They aren't the people she knows, has known all her life. They're _different_ and it's so confusing and frightening that she doesn't know what to do at first.

With time, she adapts. She isn't Earthland's Lisanna anymore, because that person died the day they took that mission. So she does her best in this new, strange world, tries her utmost to be the Lisanna this Mirajane and this Elfman lost. Lisanna of Edolas. Lisanna of a Fairy Tail that can't use magic the way she once could. It hurts, _so much_ , but she won't ever tell anyone this. Even if they're not the siblings she knew, she can't hurt them like that. And she pretends and prays that no one will ever notice this masquerade of hers.

For two years she manages. Two years of being a Lisanna she wasn't before that mission. Two years since she's seen everyone of the people she grew up with. Two years and she's gotten two very good new friends, the domineering Lucy Ashley and the gorgeous but cold Juvia. She feels a bit more comfortable around them, because she didn't know them before and they're not different for her. They just are. And for two years she's fine with that.

But then suddenly – out of the blue – there is Natsu, _her_ Natsu, the one from Earthland, and a girl that looks like Wendy would have seven or so years ago, accompanied by a white Exceed. And there's Happy, god how she's missed the blue little cat. For just a moment, she's Lisanna of Earthland again, for the first time in two years. But she runs. She has to stay Lisanna of Edolas, _she has to._ She can't make this Mirajane and this Elfman lose their sister too. That would be too cruel.

She doesn't talk to Natsu and Happy like she wants to. She doesn't try to get to know this other Wendy and the white Exceed with her. She doesn't come with them, even if she wants to so very badly, wants to return to the world she originally came from. Instead, she sees them off, them and Lucy Ashley (there's apparently another Lucy and Lisanna can't help but wonder what she's like). She watches as their silhouettes fade into the sky and she feels like crying. She doesn't feel like Lisanna of Edolas at all.

Lucy Ashley comes back with a haircut, stories about her counterpart and resolve. Resolve to help. Resolve to stand. Resolve to fight. It's in that moment that she sees the Fairy Tail spirit again, the one her nakama from Earthland always displayed. In that moment, it doesn't matter that she was born in Earthland. Now she's Lisanna of Edolas and she'll do anything she can do to help.

It doesn't quite end the way she wants it to. Suddenly she is whisked away by yet another Anima and there's this world's Mirajane and Elfman and they knew, _they knew_. She hasn't been Lisanna of Edolas for one moment. She has never been able to be the Lisanna that Fairy Tail of Edolas lost. And she's taken away, away from Edolas and everything she's been for these two years. To the place she hasn't been a part of since that day.

Earthland is exactly as she remembers it, only that Mira-nee is sweeter and Elf-nii is manlier. They've changed and she knows it's because they thought she died. She knows that the pain that sometimes shines through in her siblings' eyes is all because of her and just a bit, she feels ashamed for planning to stay in Edolas.

But she's changed too. She isn't the innocent little girl she once was, not quite. Living on the run from everyone else and almost being hunted down by Erza – _Erza_ , who is supposed to be her nakama and not her enemy – one too many times is so very tiring and lonely and she's matured in a way she's never wanted to. She's never been Edolas' Lisanna and she thinks she's come to terms with that. But she isn't Earthland's Lisanna anymore either. Not quite.

Sometimes she wonders where Earthland Lisanna ends and where Edolas Lisanna starts and where she, the one that was both and is now neither, fits in. Lisanna is not sure who she is anymore. It all got so complicated she doesn't know what to do anymore.

 _Edolas. Earthland. Edolas. Earthland. Edolas. Earthland._

She just doesn't know anymore.


End file.
